The Relentless Underachiever
Did you push yourself at school to get the best results? This is one of THE MOST COMMON traits in western society, particularly in Australia.
We are taught to perform from an early age, getting graded on our reports from as young as year one. The system gives a clear message that achievement is THE MOST important factor in living a successful life. So what do we do? We achieve….and if we don’t do so well, we are quickly pushed to the ‘back of the pack’ so to speak. The ‘elite’ schools and universities want students who achieve and work hard, so that is what we try to do. The only problem is that this behaviour can lead to obsessive compulsive patterns of overachievement, underachievement and not feeling good enough.
Let me share my story with you. I pushed myself to achieve up until about grade nine. I did all I could until….I gave up! ‘Screw this!’, I thought. ‘This is a waste of my time and energy. I am not even getting an acknowledgement for my efforts. What is the point?’
As I look back at my year nine self, the feeling of overwhelm was too much to bear. The stress to get the best results, to get into the high level Maths class, to get the recognition from my parents, teachers and grandparents. It was all too much.
What did I do?
I went into overwhelm. I did all I could to avoid this feeling of not being good enough. I started hanging out with the people who under achieved. The ‘cool crowd’ did not try to over achieve and this gave me permission to not work so hard either. I willfully put myself into a lower maths class and I tried to get acknowledgement I needed from being the rebellious kid.
Well… it didn't go so well.
Fast forward three years later, I moved into a lower achieving school, and was doing A LOT of things that aren't good for you. Bless my friends during that time, but they weren't exactly good role models to set healthy boundaries in my life.
I worked AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE at school. I found ANY opportunity to do less work. I now realise that every tactic I took was to AVOID, AVOID, AVOID feeling overwhelm, and not feeling good enough! I was avoiding the judgement that came from my teachers, parents and grandparents. I was angry. Angry that I would be judged and compared based on my results.
I wanted love. I wanted unconditional acknowledgement, no matter what outcome I produced.
My unresolved anger resulted in more rebellion. I tried leaving home at thirteen, I would stay out all night with my friends. There was a higher power looking over me during those years to keep me safe. Rebellion was my passive and unconscious reaction to being pressured to perform and subsequently not feeling loved or accepted based on the result I produced.
I now am blessed to have a new perspective of what was happening in that time. I can witness my behaviours as the effects of unresolved feelings. An accumulation of anger, resentment and loneliness as a result of feeling unloved. My inner child felt like a victim and wanted to be acknowledged.
If I was to avoid going down that negative spiral during my adolescence, I realise I needed to confront my feelings of anger. I needed to express them in order to not let them control my choices any longer. I needed to communciate with my Mum and tell her exactly what I was feeling. I wish I knew then what I know now. Don't we all?
Fast forward twelve years later and I have made massive leaps in my ability to express myself. I know now how to move forward in my life and I can identify what holds me back. What is this insight I have realised? The absolute importance of emotions…the emotions we repress and do not allow ourselves to express. Our anger, sadness, loss, grief, pain, and laughter and JOY. Thats right, we even hold ourselves back from expressing laughter because we care so much what people think!!
So let me help you reconnect with your emotions so you too can more forward in your life. This reconnection truly is the gateway to our next step forward in life. It is time to start acknowledging our emotions rather than abandoning ourselves. Yes! Our emotions are the keys to our inner guidance and integrating our life lessons. This emotional awareness is KEY to shifting into a new paradigm of thinking, being and acting in the world.
Join me for a free 30 minute session to release the emotions holding you back from moving in the direction of your life path. It’s time to express your authentic self out into the world!!